Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Diana and Clark: Just Friends

Gail Simone's new run on Wonder Woman commenced with the recently published Wonder Woman #14, and she continues to use Nemesis as a romantic foil. Which I don't mind one bit- he's handsome enough, I suppose, and not a complete douche. I don't really buy the hasty retcon that he no longer remember's Diana's superheroic identity, but hey, you can't win them all.

Partly its because romantic foils for Wonder Woman are so darn scarce: Steve Trevor, back before the Crisis, was a bit of a wet blanket. Post crisis, Etta Candy bet Diana to tapping that ass. In yo' face chosen of the Amazons!

So that really leaves Batman and Superman. Of the two, Bats has probably got the most going for him: he's suave, he's a hairy-chested globe-trotting badass, and he's the Goddamn Batman:

I'll get new material when Goddamn Frank Miller does.

On the other hand, he is the Goddamn Batman.

Superman, though, is waaaay out of the picture. For one, he's married. And Diana don't play that. Two, they did try dating... Once. Way back in... the PEREZ ERA!

George Perez' reboot of Wonder Woman has a lot going for it. He got rid of the silly "has no strength when bound by... a MAN!" weakness, it has some gorgeous art, and is generally a lot less offensive all around. By and large. Etta Candy doesn't have an obsessive compulsive desire to gorge herself, for example.

(Incidentally, I plan on making another post about how glad I am Etta made an appearance in WW#14. Stay tuned, but here's a hint: I think Etta is awesome.)

And then we get moments... like this.

Diana has been in Patriarch's World a while now, and is chillaxing in her friend Julia Kapatelis' house. Coming from a society of women, she's still not used to this whole "man" thing yet. They smell funny. Never pick up after themselves. And yet...

That red dot symbolizes the naughty things.

...Superman makes her face explode.

Understandably confused by these recurring dreams, which might be explained by the epic amounts of Superman Fan Club magazines strewn about her bed-

Its research material.

She does what anyone would do.

She gets nekkid and prays to Eros.

I presume that getting nekkid is the standard practice when praying to the gods on Paradise Island.

She gets no answer, because Eros was way too busy reading Frank Miller's 300.

Also: She's trying to figure out if her feelings towards Superman are the same that her mother harbours towards a thug that seduced her, robbed her, and let the men under his command rape her people? Diana needs to get some... healthier relationship role models, is all I'm saying.

Seeing as her gods have abandoned her, she turns to the next most logical source of guidance on all matters of the heart.

You should totally pass him a note in Math!

This is Vanessa Kapatelis, the daughter of Diana's best friend and mentor Julia Kapatelis. She's like thirteen years old. So she sets Diana straight- you've got to approach him, talk to him a bit, tell him how you feel, go on a series of dates to determine if you both feel the same wa-

Oh, no she doesn't. She calls Diana's pimpPR person and gets her to set them up.

They meet up in a field somewhere; presumably to get away from the inevitable media junket that would surround the Date of the Titans, but as it turns out, the setting simply reminds Clark of the football field on Prom night back at Smallville High:


After this tumultuous start, their date only gets progressively worse- they travel to scenic Olympus, only to find that Darkseid and his crew have crashed the joint and wrecked the furniture. So they spend their entire romantic first date doing the classic "lets fight a little bit 'cos Darkseid tricks us into fighting each other, then team up to defeat the enemy" bit, though if you ask me Diana looks like she's enjoying the first part a little too much-

Darkseid statuette proudly supplied by DC Direct.

-and eventually they whoop enough ass to make everything right again. Hooray.

Hermes whisks them back to the deserted field where they started, and then Supes reveals that he's learned a little something from this experience:

~o/...why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends.../o~

Namely, that Wonder Woman is gonna kick his ass but proper if he tries to get fresh again.

For reals.

No comments: